Seagull rips off man’s testicle as he sunbathes nude

The Suffolk Gazzette is reporting that a seagull swooped from the sky and with one bite of its beak ripped away the right testicle of a UK man who was sunbathing nude in his backyard.

“He woke screaming in agony, and saw the bird flying away with one of his ‘crown jewels’ wedged in its yellow beak,” the English news outlet reported.

My friends at Gunnison Beach and at certain back yards throughout Monmouth County should take precautions.

Manscaping might be a good idea. Read the rest of this entry »

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The Day I Met Ethel Kennedy, Art Buchwald And Gary Coleman

photo via WhoAteAllThePies.tv

By Art Gallagher

This story in the New York Post about how Ethel Kennedy, widow of Robert F. Kennedy, messed up the lives of her children, according to biographer Jerry Oppenheimer, reminded me of the day some 37 years ago that I met Ethel and two of her sons.

When I was in college I had a part time gig as the mascot for the Washington,DC professional soccer team, The Diplomats. The costume was Philly Phanatic/San Diego Chicken like. The Diplomaniac looked like a bear or an aardvark with blue fur. It had a soccer ball at the end of its long nose that was connected to an elastic strap so kids could pull it. Big white soccer shoes, a red jersey and a beanie with a propeller on top.

It was insufferably hot inside of that costume whenever the temperature was greater than seventy degrees.  But it was a fun gig.

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Christie Tapped to Captain the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders

By Tommy DeSeno

So that’s why he wanted to lose all that weight.

Since we have nothing better to do here in New Jersey, for instance, trying to stop Atlantic City from crumbling into the water, or hoping that Trenton does, let’s wring our collective hands over the Governor cheering for the Giants’ divisional rival while bromance hugging Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. I’m a Jets fan. If it weren’t for this distraction I’d be scouting the Pop Warner leagues to find my team a better coach than the one we just fired.

Governor Christie has really bad optics by publicly wearing Texas spurs. Why? Because Football ain’t baseball, that’s why. Politicians can only lose more votes in the football world than they can gain. Everybody knows that.

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Spend $500, get a FREE Pound of Butter

I like butter.

Maybe the Azzolina and Scaduto families that run Food Circus-Foodtown bought a marketing program that spits out rewards for products their customers like, but the “NOT COUPONS” I received the last couple of days are not motivating me to fill the freezer by Thursday by purchasing another $350.19 worth of groceries.

The four sticks of free butter if I spend $350.19 by Thursday doesn’t make me feel appreciated either.

That their staff greets with me a smile and some of them know me by name makes me feel appreciated.   The gift cards, free turkeys or hams, at Thanksgiving and Christmas make me feel appreciated.  But I would shop there even if they didn’t do those giveaways.

That Food Circus-Foodtown opened in the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy, before they had power, so that Bayshore residents could get non-perishable food, really makes me appreciate them.

Lou Scaduto and his team run a fine business.  They missed the mark with this promotion.

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Christie’s Pals, Springsteen and Fallon, Spoof Bridgegate

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New Footage from Obama’s Mandela Eulogy

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Let’s get the Weiner Jokes Out Of Our System And Move On To Spitzer

By Stuart J. Moskovitz

Maybe we can finally put an end to the obsession over Anthony Weiner with these. Then we can have real fun and focus on Spitzer:

1. All those years in Congress and that’s all he has to show for it?

2. How odd that his name is Weiner when he should have been named for the other side.

3. How many years do you think Huda has set back women’s rights?

4. He really has proven the Peter principle, h…asn’t he?

5. Maybe if it were a little more substantial, it wouldn’t have been called a “tweet.”

6. Look, be kind, if no one is buying your product, you have to advertise.

7. We already know what he would do to the City if he were elected, he was merely being metaphorical in showing what he’d use.

8. Ok, so he made a mistake and confused some women with his urologist when tweeting.

9. Oh, like you’ve never accidentally pointed the cell phone in the wrong place when taking a picture?

10. It’s not really his fault. Huda said to him, “why can’t you be more like Hilary’s husband?” This was his interpretation.

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Pressure Cooker Ban is Overdue

It’s Time to Free America from the Scourge of Kitchen Appliance Violence

By Matt Rooney, SaveJersey.com

photo/graphic: floppingaces.net

Some folks out there on the Left are really complaining up a storm today, Save Jerseyans, over what the New Jersey State Senate’s gun control package does not include.

I’m a little miffed, too.

Vile firearms are only part of the problem. I want to know when our politicians will step up and restrict ownership of multiple pressure cookers? The evil, senseless implements of destruction reportedly used in last week’s Boston Marathon bombings.

For the record, I don’t accept the contrived right wing argument that anyone and everyone has a constitutional right to purchase a kitchen appliance no-strings-attached. Sure, the Founding Fathers did significantly limit the government’s right to restrict private property ownership and commerce in the U.S. Constitution, but did the framers ever contemplate a microwave? Or automatic cake mixer? Or pressure cooker? It’s hard to argue that they intended to protect our right to own something so dangerous and technologically advanced that didn’t even exist in their own time!

Butter churners? Sure. And butter churning has the added benefit of combating childhood obesity and reducing the user’s carbon footprint

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O’Scanlon Sees Light on Red Light Cameras!

Little Silver, April 1- Asm  Declan O’Scanlon (R-13) today announced that he had an epiphany early  Easter Sunday morning – now sees light regarding the true reason for supposed  highway safety rules and regulations!

“I  can’t believe how long I’ve been so misguided and naive!” said O’Scanlon.   “All this time just not getting it!  It’s all about the money!   Huge piles of money for local officials to spend in their budgets, more  piles of money for campaigns of compliant state elected officials and truckloads  of the stuff for lobbyists!  Hell, in at least one instance we have actual  “gifts” given by a camera company to officials running a program”.

“I  just never visualized the potential.  I was always focused on the fact that  our traffic laws and enforcement methods should be justified by sound  engineering and focused on actually increasing safety.  What an idiot! Now  though, unburdened by the shackles of actually caring about any of those  irrelevant concerns, I see the true potential of the tools we have at our  disposal.”

O’Scanlon  invited legislators to join him in not only abandoning the effort to end the red  light camera program or – even make it more fair to motorists – and actually go  the other direction.  O’Scanlon’s new plan calls for cameras at every light  at every intersection.  He goes further and calls or the installation of  new traffic lights at EVERY intersection.   “Imagine the revenue  potential!” he exclaimed. “But we can do even more!  Part of my legislation  will eliminate yellow lights all together.  Every single time a light  change we’ll nail a few unsuspecting suckers – kind of like now except we’ll  nail even more!  Another section of the legislation will mandate that every  motorist come to a full stop every 100 feet.  We’ll tell them it’s for  “safety”, really!”

Other  sections of O’Scanlon’s legislation would lower speed limits to 15 mph.   “People won’t be able to leave their driveways without breaking the law.   Think of the $ we’ll make!!!” said O’Scanlon. “The entire, brilliant  package will be called the Road Improvement Program to Promote Outstanding  Freeway Focus – RIPPOFF, for short!  I have probably just begun to scratch  the surface here” conceded O’Scanlon.  “I am sure over the next few weeks  and months we’ll come up with even more ways to attack out constituents  innocently driving to work or to their kids schools or music lessons.  This  program will be like a vacuum of their hard earned money.  And we have the  pioneering red light camera program to thank for starting us down this  path!”

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Democrats To Announce New Slate In 13th Legislative District

Hornik, D’Amico and Mallet will team up to target the “safe” Republican district

Hazlet-April 1  Monmouth County Democrats spent the holiday weekend scrambling to collect petition signatures for a new slate of candidates for State Senate and General Assembly in the 13th Legislative District, according to a Democrat who does not want to be known for speaking to a Republican blogger.   Marlboro Mayor Jon Hornik will be the Senate candidate. Former freeholders John D’Amico and Amy Mallet will be the Assembly candidates.

Petitions are due in Trenton today.

Barbara Buono, the presumed Democratic nominee for governor, Senate President Steve Sweeney and Assembly Speaker Shelia Oliver each called the new candidates to promise amble funds to wage the general election race, even if the incumbents prevail in the GOP primary.
Chairman Vin Gopal  believes the 13th district will be in play should the expected Bayshore Tea Party Group backed slate led by former congressional candidate Leigh-Ann Bellew for Senate win the Republican primary against incumbent Senator Joe Kyrillos and Assembly members Amy Handlin and Declan O’Scanlon.   The BTPG will announce the rest of their slate, as well as the freeholder and sheriff candidate, this afternoon after their petitions are filed.cheap jumpers for sale

“The Tea Party has beat the Monmouth Republican line every time they’ve tried,” said the source, “Anna Little beat the GOP organization twice and David Corsi did it in 2010.  We’re betting they will do it again.  In a race where the Republican candidates are running an anti-abortion, pro-gun campaign, we believe the district will vote for proven vote getters like Mayor Hornik, Judge D’Amico and Freeholder Mallet.”

The candidates nominated at the Monmouth Democratic Convention in February, Rutgers Professor Sean Dunne for Senate, and Assembly candidates Matthew Morehead, a dog groomer and Allison Friedman, a public defender, have agreed to resign their candidacies and not file their petitions.

“Having a strong legislative team will help Barbara Buono.  There is no way Governor Christie carries Monmouth County by the margins he did in 2009 if he has Tea Party running mates in the 13th.  We’ll be forcing Christie to spend time and money in Monmouth he would not have had to with Kyrillos, Handlin and O’Scanlon on his ticket.”

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